


Blame

by IceBlueRose



Series: Blame [2]
Category: Veronica Mars (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/M, Gen, Season 1 Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-10
Updated: 2014-02-10
Packaged: 2018-01-11 19:48:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 5
Words: 4,693
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1177180
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IceBlueRose/pseuds/IceBlueRose
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>She is gone and they blame themselves.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I finally decided to start moving my VM fic over here as well and seeing how this was the very first VM fic I ever wrote (about a month after season 1 ended now that I think about it) I decided to have this be the first one moved over to AO3. It was tempting to go through and edit it since my writing has changed so much since then but I decided to leave it as is.

"Gee, Dad, and I thought I was the one who always stayed late."

The pen he is holding clatters to the desk at the sound of her voice and he wants more than anything to avoid looking up and facing that it’s not real. But he can’t resist the hope that maybe it is and so he looks up from his desk and there she is.

It’s been two weeks since the funeral and yet she’s standing there, leaning against the doorjamb with her arms crossed the way she has so often before. Her hair is pulled back in two tiny pigtails, reminding him that she’s just a girl, just his little girl, and the reminder is like a knife in his gut.

"Veronica." Just a name but the sound of it is full of grief.

She smiles at him, a smile meant to comfort that makes him want to cry even as it does what she meant it to.

"It wasn’t your fault." She moves forward, walking further into the room to perch herself on the corner of his desk. "You have got to know that. You were always there to protect me."

"Except when it counted most." There’s bitterness in his voice because while he saved her from being burned, he was too late to save her from smoke inhalation. The words Lianne choked out before she left only days after they’d put their only child in the ground still echo in his mind.

_I blame you. Our daughter is dead because you weren’t there._

"She was wrong." It’s said simply and so matter-of-factly that Keith can’t help but want to believe her. She reaches out, squeezes his arm. "And so are you."

"I didn’t protect you." He cautiously puts his hand over hers, afraid that if he moves to quickly she’ll disappear.

"You’re making sure that people know the truth. You’re making sure that Aaron Echolls won’t get away with everything he’s done." He doesn’t say anything to this, knowing that it’s true.

Aaron Echolls would have gotten away if it hadn’t been for Backup and Keith is grateful every day that he brought the dog with him that night. No, instead Aaron is sitting in a cell waiting for the trial to end. The truth of what Veronica is trying to tell him begins to sink in and the thought that he is still able to help his daughter brings the smallest of smiles to his face for the first time in weeks.

"Hey." He looks up to see her smiling at him, a familiar light in her eyes that makes him ache. "I’ve got a question for you."

"And what’s that?"

"Who’s my daddy?" The question, one that had always earned a laughing eye roll or a groan about how embarrassing it was whenever he asked it, brings a full smile to his face, as she’d known it would when she said it.

"I am." 

And for a moment, as he sits there in companionable silence with Veronica, things are right in Keith’s world.


	2. Chapter 2

Aaron Echolls had murdered Lilly Kane, Veronica Mars’ best friend.

Almost a year later, Veronica and Wallace met when she saved him from the indignity of being taped to the flagpole.

And almost a year after that, Aaron Echolls murdered Veronica Mars, Wallace Fennel’s best friend.

He is sure that there is a weird sort of symmetry to all of that but right now, as he sits on his bed with his head in his hands and his eyes closed, Wallace can’t bring himself to really care.

For the second time in his life, Wallace has lost someone important to him and it’s no easier this time around. He thinks that he understands now how Veronica felt last year after Lilly’s death. But there is no mystery for him to solve, no bad guy for him to catch. He tortures himself by wondering if things might have turned out differently if he’d been there, by imagining what they might be doing.

And it hurts.

It hurts to think that when school starts there won’t be a tiny blonde marshmallow yanking him into the girls’ bathroom to ask him for help with the latest case.

_"Can you do me a weird favor without asking any weird questions?"_

_"Isn’t that the bedrock upon which our friendship was founded?"_

He wonders how long it’ll take before he stops missing the fact that he’ll never again hear her say,

"Wallace, I need a favor."

He tenses but makes no other move, cursing his subconscious for the fact that it can make him remember her voice so clearly at the same time that he’s grateful for it.

He doesn’t want to forget so soon.

"You know, if you continue to ignore me, I’m going to assume that you don’t want to be my BFF anymore."

The fact that even in his subconscious, Veronica uses the phrase "BFF" causes him equal stabs of grief and automatic exasperation. He sighs and opens his eyes, lifting his head only to suck in a breath at the sight that greets him.

Not an empty room, but his best friend.

She’s standing in front of him, real as the basketball near her feet, one eyebrow raised and arms crossed over her front as the fingers of one hand tap restlessly against her elbow.

"I’ve gone crazy, haven’t I?" he asks. His voice is resigned, though he’s not sure it’s entirely a bad thing if it means seeing the first friend he made in Neptune again. Veronica smiles, a small laugh escaping her as she drops her arms to her sides and moves to sit next to him.

"No, you’re not crazy. I just decided to stop by." 

Wallace isn’t sure how this makes him any less crazy since she’s not alive but something in him tells him to just accept it and so he nods. The look on her face is one he remembers well, the expression she always had on her face right before she asked him for a favor. He can’t help the smile that tugs at his mouth as he looks at her. He’s not sure if the moment calls for him to say something deep and meaningful and he’s not sure what he’d say anyway.

"I miss you," he says instead. Her smile is full of sadness as she looks at him.

"I miss you too." They sit for a moment, saying nothing, just enjoying the comfortable silence between them. He’s the first to break it.

"So you decided to pay me a ghostly visit just to ask for a favor, huh?"

"Two, actually."

Wallace glances over at her and for a moment he forgets the fact that she’s gone, that this probably isn’t real, and slips back into the familiar banter.

"Two? That’s going to cost you, you know."

"A little hard for me to bake you snickerdoodles now, but I suppose I can try."

Just like that, reality comes crashing back and the smile fades from Wallace’s face. There’s a look of understanding in her eyes and he thinks that maybe she’s the only one who can understand.

"You need to stop wondering if things would have been different if you’d been there. It doesn’t help, it doesn’t change things. Trust me, I know." She says and he lets out a choked laugh because he knows that she’s right, that she does know because she spent months wondering if she could have saved Lilly.

"Yeah." It’s all he says for a moment before he continues. "It’s not that easy though."

"I know." She gives him a small smile as she says it and he returns it.

"What was the other favor?"

"Look after my dad." He can hear the tears in her voice as she says it and he reaches out to put an arm around her shoulders. "I don’t want him to be alone." She looks up at him and he nods in understanding.

"I’ll ask my mom to invite him for dinner." It’s all he needs to say and she smiles in relief this time.

"This is going on your BFF permanent record." She laughs at his wince and for a small moment in time everything is normal again.

"You’re never going to stop calling me that, are you?"

"Not a chance."


	3. Chapter 3

Logan’s pretty sure that it’s his fault Veronica is dead, just like it’s his fault that Lilly’s dead.

He’s equally sure that some well-paid therapist would tell him that he shouldn’t blame himself (and then sell the tapes of their sessions to the highest bidder so the world can see just how fucked up Logan Echolls really is).

He lifts his glass in a mocking toast to the world, takes a drink, relishes the burn of good whiskey, and decides they can all go screw themselves. Smirking a bit, he picks up a Cuban cigar and leans back on the couch, doing no more than lifting it to his mouth.

"Why is it I’m not surprised to find you practically drinking yourself into a coma?"

At the sound of her voice, he doesn’t jerk in surprise, just turns his head to stare and wonders idly how much he’s had to drink.

Next to him, she sits with one leg tucked under her and an arm over the back of the couch, her body turned towards him.

"Just keeping up the family tradition. They’re important you know." The last is said in such a serious voice that it brings a hint of a smile to her face.

"And here I thought that was just a rumor."

He grins, delighted with her, with her response, before it fades, leaving him with a sense of confusion and a world of grief that’s buried beneath the whiskey.

"Are you real?" he asks and for a moment, he is not a bitter young man but a lost little boy. Veronica nods and moves closer to him.

"Yeah." He nods, accepting this readily. There’s silence between them for awhile because as often as they flung words at each other, the things they didn’t say were always just as important. 

_I believe you. I trust you._

It’s during this quiet that Logan silently asks the questions he’ll never voice.

_Have you seen my mom? Is she okay? Do you ever see Lilly?_

He wonders about these things but doesn’t ask. He’s not sure he can handle the answers and so he takes another drink instead.

"I’m not dating anyone who matters." He says it suddenly, though it’s something that’s been on his mind for awhile. She looks at him as if she’s not quite sure what to make of that statement.

"Okay. Thanks?" The last is said as more of a question and he shakes his head at her misinterpretation.

"You’re really trying to take that dumb blonde stereotype to a whole new level, aren’t you?" he asks, though he doesn’t give her a chance to respond. "I mean, I’m not going to date a girl who will matter to me. They always end up dead." She looks genuinely shocked at that before she speaks.

"Caitlin didn’t die." Logan snorts at the mention of his last girlfriend.

"I said a girl who matters, Veronica, not a girl who was just a good lay."

"Of course. What was I thinking?" she deadpans. His lips twitch as if he wants to smile but can’t quite manage it. It’s this small movement that takes her back to what he said. "Logan…"

"Ah, and now comes our touching Hallmark moment that’ll bring tears to the audience’s eyes," he declares, lifting his glass in the air.

"Jackass."

"Break out the tissues, ladies and gentlemen." He tilts the glass towards Veronica, then brings it back to his lips. She sighs and shakes her head.

"Logan." She says his name again to get his attention. "Why do you think dating a girl who matters to you will result in her death?" The look he gives her clearly says that that’s the stupidest question she could’ve asked, but he grants her an answer anyway.

"You and Lilly are dead, aren’t you?" He pauses as a new thought occurs to him. "Of course, I wasn’t technically dating either of you when you died. So, when I break up with a girl who matters, she dies. Which means the key to her continuing to live is me staying with her." He smiles the triumphant smile of the drunk as she stares at him.

"Okay, first of all, contrary to what _The World According to Logan_ says, the Earth actually revolves around the Sun and not you. And second of all? That logic is completely twisted. Do you honestly blame yourself for everything that Aaron’s done?" Now, Logan looks at her as if the answer should be obvious.

"Well, yeah." She shakes her head at this.

"I don’t," she says.

"Well, you’re dead, what do you know?" She crosses her arms, eyes narrowing a bit.

"A whole lot more than you apparently."

"What’s that supposed to mean?" He’s not just asking, he’s demanding, more than a bit offended.

"It means you’re a moron sometimes," she snaps. He sighs and turns his head to look up at the ceiling.

"Did you come back from the dead just to call me names or was there an actual purpose behind it?" He tenses a bit when he feels her hand cover his before he lets his body relax.

"I don’t blame you. Lilly doesn’t blame you." 

And there’s the answer to one of his questions. She sees Lilly. The corners of his mouth tilt up slightly as he imagines all the havoc Veronica Mars and Lilly Kane can cause in the afterlife. For a moment, he’s happy that she has her best friend again and then happiness is bitter grief because she’s no longer really there.

"You sure about that? Lilly could hold a hell of a grudge." He no sooner finishes saying this before she puts her hand on his cheek and turns his face towards hers. He wonders briefly if she can see his fear that he’ll turn out like his father.

"It’s not your fault." It’s said softly, almost as if she’s afraid he’ll bolt if she says it any louder. He’s not sure how to tell her that he won’t walk away from her without sounding completely cliché and so he stays silent instead. "You didn’t do anything." He laughs bitterly.

"Isn’t that the problem?"

"What would you have done? Do you think you could have stopped him from lighting the fire?"

"Maybe not. But I could have gotten you out faster if I’d answered the phone when you called." There’s pain in his voice and he tries to stifle it with another drink. He has a feeling if he’d answered the phone, she’d still be alive.

"You don’t know that."

"Is that supposed to make me feel better? If it is, let me tell you, it’s not working." Veronica shakes her head.

"I can’t make it all better, Logan. It’s not all going to get better with one visit from me. But you need to know that it’s not your fault, that I don’t blame you...and that you’re better than him." 

It’s that sentence that breaks him and he moves forward to cry against her, much as he did at the Sunset Regent. It isn’t a quick fix for all his problems but with every tear and every rub of her hand on his back he can feel the weight he’s been carrying lift a little. 

Her lips touch his forehead, his cheek, then settle on his mouth. For a moment, as he kisses the girl he could’ve loved, Logan’s world is stable.


	4. Chapter 4

Duncan hates fall. He’s hated it since he woke up in the back of a limousine to find that his sister was dead and her funeral done. He dreads that time of year when the leaves turn from green to red and gold. And he no longer associates fall with the beginning of school, but with his sister’s death.

He now associates summer with Veronica’s death and not the end of school. No longer does summer mean sunshine, beaches, and swimming. It is now fire, smoke, death, and another season to dread.

The pool glitters and shines in the sun as Duncan remembers what his life used to be like. Back before Lilly and Veronica died, back before he destroyed it all because of a lie, back before he and Logan shared more awkward silences than easy conversations. The water feels like it’s hypnotizing him as he recalls days full of smiles he no longer sees and laughter he no longer hears. He remembers these days as though they are something out of his imagination, bright and golden.

_"You two may be cute, but you’re also delusional."_

_"I can barely play basketball on land and you want me to play in the water?"_

He remembers teaming up with Logan to convince the girls to play and the water war that followed.

Then he shakes his head and pushes those memories away because it hurts to remember that day.

He sighs, turns away from the pool, and moves to settle back on one of the lounge chairs. He closes his eyes, hoping to block out the blinding sunlight.

"Duncan." He covers his face with his hands as if he can block out the sound of her voice saying his name.

"I’m not taking the pills anymore, I shouldn’t be having hallucinations." His voice is muffled against his palms. From his right comes an all too familiar sigh.

"Okay, that’s it. If people keep assuming I’m just a figment of their imagination, I’m going to develop a complex."

It sounds so much like her that Duncan lowers his hands, opens his eyes, and turns his head in the direction of her voice.

Veronica is laying on the chair next to him, one leg bent at the knee, the other stretched out in front of her. She smiles at him.

"Hi," she says. He doesn’t reply, doesn’t think he can. Instead he studies her, trying to decide if this is real or if he really is crazy. She stares back at him. "So, you stopped taking the medication?"

"Yeah." Silence again and he wonders how things can still be awkward between them, even now. Especially now.

"That’s good. Things will be better for you that way."

"I’m not so sure about that." He doesn’t tell her that each day is a struggle, that there are days where he thinks the numb nothingness of Lilly’s death is better than the sharp pain of hers. He thinks she knows that there are days where he wishes he couldn’t remember.

She doesn’t respond but he knows, by the look she gives him, that she understands.

Duncan knows a lot of things. He knows that he is the one who put the first crack in their group, making it easier to shatter. He knows that what happened the night of Shelley’s party is one of the reasons Veronica stopped trusting people.

But despite what Duncan knows, he also wonders.

He wonders what would have happened if he’d talked to Veronica instead of breaking up with her. He wonders if they’d still be together. He wonders if everything would have been better. He wonders if she’d still be alive if he’d gone with her instead of staying behind. He wonders if he could have stopped Aaron, the man it is so easy pin all his problems on.

"You need to stop that." Her voice interrupts his thoughts and he frowns.

"Stop what?"

"Wondering. Blaming yourself."

"Well, I knew there was something I forgot to do today." The words are out before Duncan even finishes thinking them and Veronica’s smile seems to widen a bit. She seems pleased that he’s aware enough to shoot replies back to her.

Maybe she’s remembering what life used to be like as well. But he thinks that if she was, she probably wouldn’t be smiling.

Remembering life has to be different when you’re dead. 

"Check your calendar. It should say something along the lines of _Stop blaming self. It’s stupid._ "

"Nice to know what you think of me."

"Glad to be of service." Her voice is casual, airy, even amused when she says it before she sobers up again. "Seriously, Duncan. You can’t blame yourself, you can’t wonder what things would be like. It doesn’t help. It can’t because then all you’re left with are a bunch of what ifs and doubts about decisions you made."

"So I should what? Just forget? Been there, done that, and it’s really not all it’s cracked up to be." He looks away briefly before he turns back to her. "I need to remember this, Veronica. I don’t know why, I can’t explain it. But it doesn’t matter that I don’t want to remember. I need to. And remembering makes me wonder. I can’t change that." She nods in understanding and he thinks that this is what it must have been like for her.

"No, you can’t. Neither can I. All I can do is tell you that it’s not your fault." She shakes her head. "You were trying to find Aaron at that party." He interrupts before she can continue.

"I did a bang up job of that, didn’t I?"

"You couldn’t have known that he had already left. You can’t change what happened, Duncan, and it’ll only drive you crazy if you continue to think about it."

"I know." He pauses. "I just…I can’t seem to help myself." She reaches out and takes hold of his hand.

"You will. Just give it time." He nods and they say nothing else. Duncan doubts that the days are going to stop being hell but he thinks this is a step in the right direction. He knows that he’s going to remember this conversation and he knows that it’ll bring him some comfort to know that she doesn’t blame him.

She is the girl that he lost, more than once, because of circumstances. And for awhile, sitting there in the sunlight, holding her hand, Duncan’s world is complete.


	5. Chapter 5

Weevil doesn’t think he’s going to forget the day he officially met Veronica Mars anytime soon. Of course, he’d heard of her. Who hadn’t at that point? But he knows that he’ll always smile when he thinks of what she had to say to him during that first exchange.

_“Sister, the only time I care what a woman has to say is, is when she’s riding my big old hog, but even then it’s not so much words, just a bunch of oohs and aahs, you know?”_

_“So it’s big, huh?”_

_“Legendary.”_

_“Well, let’s see it. If it’s as big as you say it is, I’ll be your girlfriend. We could go to prom together.”_

He shakes his head, a hint of a smile appearing on his face as he polishes his motorcycle. One thing was for sure. The girl took crap from nobody. He smirks at the thought of each of their conversations.

His smirk disappears as he thinks of her and his expression turns serious. He thinks of that night and he wonders what would have happened if he’d been there. He thought that he’d been protecting Veronica, getting revenge for Lilly when he’d gone after Logan that night on the bridge.

Looks like he’d gone after the wrong Echolls.

He’s furious at himself for not being there, for not getting the vengeance he’d always vowed he’d get, for not protecting the second blonde girl who managed to get passed his defenses.

“So, how are those rim jobs working out for you? Because let me tell you, those deep throats…wow.”

He doesn’t stop, just smiles at the sound of her voice. It feels like it’s been longer than a few weeks since he’s heard it and even he can’t help but get a bit nostalgic at the sound. He shakes his head once more and looks up, fully expecting to see nothing more than tools and various car and motorcycle parts. 

He sees her instead.

She’s leaning against the counter, using her elbows to support her weight, head tilted to the side.

“Hey,” she says.

“Still not touching that one with a ten-foot pole,” he replies. She smiles.

“No remarks on how I only use the head tilt when I want something?” He shrugs, putting down the rag instead of saying something. He smiles up at her.

“Nah. I figured we’d get to that eventually.”

“First things first.” She pushes away from the counter and moves forward, moving so that she’s at his eye level. “Do me a favor and stop wondering and wishing.” He looks up, his face showing his surprise for a minute. “Don’t ask how I know. I just do. It’s a thing.”

“Girl thing, detective thing, or ghost thing?” Her smile is just a bit wry as she thinks about it.

“Little bit of all three actually.” At this, he nods.

“Should’ve known.” He let out a light laugh. “Was always pretty hard to get something passed you.”

“Unless you’re a good actor.” He glances at her sharply, a frown appearing on her face.

“You’re not blaming yourself for what he did, are you?” he asks, the anger surging up fast. She shakes her head.

“No. I blame him.” She sighs and looks away for a moment. Her expression is wistful and while Weevil has never been one for philosophy, he wonders if she’s pondering her life and the way it ended.

“Do you regret any of it?” he asks, causing her to look back at him.

“Would you?” The answer to that is obvious to them both and he doesn’t bother to answer. The silence turns uncomfortable and he shifts, straightening a bit.

“So, what was it you wanted?” he asks when the quiet becomes too much.

“That depends. Are you going to stop wondering?”

“Probably not. Didn’t do that great a job of having your back, did I?” She smiles sadly.

“Pretty sure that’s a moot point now. You thought you were protecting me. And now you’re still protecting me, aren’t you?”

“No one’s got a right to say anything but good things about you.” His face is set with determination when he says it and Veronica can’t help but smile.

“Thanks Weevil.” A smile appears on his face in return before she speaks again. “There’s one other thing.” He raises his eyebrows as he looks off to the side and turns back to her, shaking his head.

“Why do I have a bad feeling about this?”

“I need you to kind of…watch out for them.”

“Them?”

“Logan, Wallace, and Duncan.” She says their names quickly, hoping that he might not understand, hoping that he will.

“What? You want me to watch out for Opie, the newbie, and the other white boy?” He stares at her as Veronica gives him her most innocent look.

“Pretty much.”

“Why is that exactly?”

“Consider it my last favor.” He pauses at that, letting it sink in, though after a few minutes he still says nothing. She sighs. “Come on. I’m not asking that you become best pals or start hanging out. Just make sure they don’t do something stupid.” She pauses. “I have to admit, that last one is mostly for Logan.” Her hair falls forward as she lowers her gaze to the ground, takes a deep breath, then looks back up at him. “I just need to make sure that they’ll be okay.”

He sighs and lets his eyes wander around the room before his gaze settles on her once again.

“I just know I’m going to regret this.” He watches the smile spread across her face and nods a bit with a smile of his own. He thinks that this could possibly be his way of making it up to her, repaying her for not being there.

“Thank you.” The corner of his mouth lifts slightly.

“Anytime.”

It may not be much, but it’s a start.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Story originally completed: August 8, 2005


End file.
